Title: The little things
Pairings: Implied YoonHae
Summary: You'll remain silent, for you're happy enough as it is.





You watch him from afar, not wanting him to notice but hoping he would. You smile at his little antics, frown when he says something you don’t want to hear. Grin when he grins at you and fake a smile when he grins to someone else. When your hand brushes against his when you pass by, you wonder if he felt the surge of electricity with the same strength you did. You breathe in his smell with the same need a drug-addict inhales his dose after weeks of having none. You have memorized his laugh to the point it becomes your alarm-clock, the last thing you hear before falling sleep, the tune that fills in the gaps and silences in your head.

Sometimes, your heart beats so fast you wonder if it’s possible for it to explode inside your chest. You’re young, but you do not know much about heart-attacks and how they work; all you know it’s that the blood stops bumping and your heart stops beating. Your lungs run out of air, you brain freezes and your organs die one by one as the system that keeps you living collapses.

You don’t think that’s much different from the way you feel whenever you see him.

You also don’t find the possibility of dying for him too bad at all.

But you kind of like the sound of living for him a bit better, anyway.

When asked, you’d deny everything. Deny watching him, deny wanting him, deny blushing whenever he’s close, deny laughing a bit louder whenever he tells a joke, deny loving him more than you should. You tell yourself you do it because you’re shy, and you don’t want them to make fun of you; or worse, try to play matchmakers and force him into something he might not want.

In truth, you think you do it because you’re scared.

Scared of what?

You reprimand yourself sometimes.

Am I not happy enough as it is? Why would anything change how I feel?

But then you realize, against your better judgment and naïve wish to remain unaware of the core of the matter, that things really aren’t as simple as you wish they were.

His feelings count, too. If my feelings cause him distress, then… then they should stop.

You’re scared because you don’t think they can stop, not this far into the game, not after so many years; even if they could, you can’t tell yourself with an unshaken smile that you’d want them to.

Because you don’t. You don’t want to stop loving him, you don’t want to stop watching him smile from afar and you don’t want to stop the overflowing of happiness when he holds your hand and you don’t want to stop looking forward to hearing his voice every day.

You don’t want to stop feeling alive.

If the chance of him taking it all away exists, then… you’d much rather prefer protecting what you already have, than taking the risk.

So you’ll remain silent.

Even when your friends tease you about how they caught him looking at you last night, even when everyone around you says how much of a lovely couple you two would make, even if whenever you’re in the same room everyone else steps aside and stares.

Because you’re happy enough as it is, with the little things.

-

Four drabbles up next;
Policy which is... general I guess.
Melancholy Which is sort of bittersweet, more bitter than sweet.
Silence Which is sweet.
And finally, Wish, featuring Donghae's birthday.






Donghae has his policy, one that he follows quite strictly and which allows him to stay true to his feelings without being blatantly obvious about them—well, more than he usually is.

The policy is simple enough: He’d never, ever, deny being in love with her. Or liking her. Or having a crush on her. Whatever people would feel like throwing at him.

Instead, he would remain silent and avoid giving a reply. Whether it was by pretending that he was distracted thinking about the most random stuff, or laughing and changing the subject, or giving an unreadable look; he would never answer it straightforwardly.

Which he knows is telling enough when taking into account his clear ‘are you crazy? She’s like a sister/a good friend/just my dongsaeng’ that he’d give if people asked him about someone else other than YoonA.

So he knows that people aren’t dumb, and that they know more that they let on. But he’s fine with that, he doesn’t really mind.

As long as YoonA gets it, too.

-



For Donghae, YoonA was melancholy.

Everything, from the crown of her hair to the tips of her toes; every inch of her skin that he laid his eyes on reminded him of it, called out to it.

To the melancholy of remembering the moments he wished he could hold on to and come to live again; the smiles, the laughter, the shyness crawling across his skin. The melancholy of recalling how this feeling that burned his being from his core to his soul had begun, and of realizing how the blaze inside of her eyes used to burn brighter back then.

To Donghae, YoonA was melancholy.

The melancholy of wishing that he could remember moments and words that never happened and were left unsaid.

The melancholy of yearning for something that stretched outside of his grasp.

-



They were a couple of few words and many silences.

Or, not a couple as per say, rather, something in between. Something that wasn’t quite there –yet— but that didn’t end at just friendship, either.

Their silence attested to this.

The silence that stretched between them as their laughter died down and then their smiles widened and their eyes twinkled and they never looked away. The silent looks they exchanged among the crowd, the way in which their eyes silently searched for the other and ran away once they met him.

The silence between them was the loudest sign; the loudest tell off that let the world know that there was more to them than what met the eye. Their silence was the loudest explosion of feelings contained, of wishes yearning to be fulfilled, of words bitten back and longing to be said.

When one looks at them; when one looks at YoonA and Donghae, one finds that their silence is loud.

As loud as fireworks.

-



For his birthday, Donghae wishes for one thing and one thing only.

He gets it that very same day, when he locks himself inside his room, everyone knowing better than to bother him. It starts when he turns on the computer (he prays he won’t ruin it) and loads the video.

His present begins when he sees YoonA’s dancing, her laughter, how good she looks in that black dress and how angelic she looks in the white one. For him that video doesn’t have enough YoonA, it never would even if every second of it was dedicated to her, and his eyes focus on her, tracing her every move to the point he barely registers the existence of the eight other girls.

He watches it once, twice, three times; until he’s able to reproduce her parts on his head effortlessly and with the same timing they had on the moving picture.

When he turns off the computer, his cell phone rings. He’s smiling even before he has checked the ID, and his night is made even before he hears her voice on the other end of the receiver.

Donghae thinks, then, that he is a very lucky guy.

For he’s the only one who has his dearest wish as his personal genie.

-
Title: What matters
Pairings: YoonHae / Implied Hanchul
A/N's: Written ages ago, featuring an imaginary scenario~
Summary: As soon as the cameraman changes his focus to Kyuhyun, Donghae throws YoonA a hidden look





He had been looking forward to this. Really, he was.

In fact he was looking forward to it so badly that he forgot the troublesome complications that situations like this always brought on him. Them.

Once he finally remembered them, as he fidgeted on his seat, growing more and more annoyed with each second the cameraman focused on YoonA above everyone else in her group, he figured it was worth it still as he’d be able to talk to her backstage.

Alas, that didn’t make it any easier to handle.

You see, there was something very peculiar that happened to Donghae whenever he and YoonA were in the same room.

He just couldn’t keep his eyes off her.

And once that started happening it was hard to keep himself off her, too. He’d want to go to her, speak to her, touch her; just, be with her. And that was something they just couldn’t do, whenever they were in programs like this. In the eye of the storm, submitted to the public’s attentive eye and critiques.

Donghae was sure they’d be able to caught on it if he as much as spoke to her.

His hyungs had been the ones to tell him that; it’s too obvious, KangIn had said. You need to act more laidback, Hyukjae had suggested. It’ll only bring her problems if you don’t, Kibum had deadpanned.

And Donghae, after some dwelling—after reading the onslaught of ill-intended comments that followed her everywhere after their MV’s together and Sukira—had decided he needed to do just that.

So he tried. He tried really, really hard.

He would keep his distance from her whenever they were on air; he wouldn’t look at her whenever the camera could caught on it, wouldn’t have physical contact with her, wouldn’t say a single word to her.

He would hug every girl except for her. Would speak with them and leave whenever YoonA arrived. Would walk a step ahead of her, not saying a single world. Would make sure his smile wasn’t too big, too proud, shining too much whenever she said a joke. Would hide how every inch of his body shivered whenever she laughed.

But perhaps that’s where the problem laid. He, indeed, tried too hard.

If there was something he should have learnt after living for so long with Heechul and Hangeng, it was that trying too hard only made everything more suspicious; and in turn, noticeable. Obvious.

In his case, he had the blessing of his fans not wanting to see anything that could remotely amount to something—so if they thought anything about it, they would hide it. Never daring to voice it out-loud for fear of bringing more attention to it and of someone bringing more evidence to the table and ultimately proving their fears to be well-founded.

In her case, she wasn’t so lucky. But then again he was constantly paired up by fans of her band with pretty much every member so that saved them from a lot of trouble.

Regardless, there were some people who noticed. Occasionally.

So that just meant he had to add some extra-care to everything; try to interact with her just enough for it to look natural, and never enough for it to look like what it really was.

To look like a guy who was completely smitten with his fellow coworker.

That’s why whenever the cameras would turn off and they’d be allowed to walk backstage to apply more makeup, drink water and chill; he would walk up to her as soon as they were out of view. He would walk up to her and don’t leave her side until it was strictly necessary to do so, right as they had to go out in the air again.

And once there, he’d keep his distance and act as if he didn’t care at all. As if he wasn’t dying to just send everything to hell and allow himself to do what he truly wanted to do.

Caressherfacekissherholdherhandmakeherlaughwhisperonherearjusthowmuchhe—

As soon as the cameraman stopped recording his answer and went onto Kyuhyun, two seats by his right, Donghae allowed himself to turn and look at her. As if feeling his eyes on her, she did the same thing; gave him a shy smile—you’ve done a good work, oppa. There’s just a bit more left, so hold on—and he answered it with a reassuring smile of his own—I know. But it’s still hard—at that, down her lap, her hands carefully moved until her fingers formed a heart that no one else but him could have ever been able to notice.

Something in him—his own heart. The one Yoona was holding in place with the tips of her fingers—jumped at that, and he had been just about to part his lips and mouth something to her—I love you—when Hyukjae had given him a subtle poke in the ribs with his elbow, and a second after the camera was focused on him once again.

Donghae smiled, pretended that he wasn’t aware of what the question was because he was spacing out like usual instead of being completely focused on something—someone—else, and caused laughs to surround the room because of it.

And just like that, the extra attention he paid to her passed unnoticed.

Again.

Later that night, as he laid on bed frantically typing on his cell phone, he told her the truth that was getting harder and harder to hide with each passing day.

I want us to be able to be a normal couple, beautiful. I want to hold your hand, and hug you, and kiss you, and not care about what anyone would have to say about that.

She had replied almost immediately, like she usually did whenever she texted him.

I know, me too. But we can’t. At least not yet anyway… but I really wish we could, too TTTT

If not now, then when?

Had been his simple answer. This time, she took a bit longer to reply; mustering her words carefully, trying to conceal the fact that his question was one without a real answer. Because she, herself, wondered the same thing each and every day.

When the time it’s right. Or when we cannot hold it back anymore.

That last part had been added after much thought, but Donghae was aware that it was the truest part of the text.

I love you, you know that, right?

Kekeke of course I do. You show it every day~I love you, too.

He smiled.

Maybe, for now, that was enough.

After all, YoonA understood it all. And that was the only thing that mattered.

-